Peek-a-boo!

2012-01-29T14:55:00.001+08:00

i don't mind being alone

i never needed you. any of you.

i don't need anyone to like or love me.

From the book "Aleph"

2011-10-06T22:16:00.002+08:00

here is a short passage from the book "Aleph" by Paulo Coelho:

"
i forgive the tears i was made to shed,
i forgive the pain and the disappointment,
i forgive the betrayals and the lies,
i forgive the slanders and intrigues,
i forgive the hatred and the persecution,
i forgive the blows that hurt me,
i forgive the wrecked dreams,
i forgive the stillborn hopes,
i forgive the hostility and jealousy,
i forgive the indifference and ill will,
i forgive the injustice carried out in the name of justice,
i forgive the anger and the cruelty,
i forgive the neglect and the contempt,
i forgive the world and all its evils.

i also forgive myself. May the misfortunes of the past no longer weigh on my heart. Instead of pain and resentment, i choose understanding and compassion. Instead of grief, i choose forgetting. Instead of vengeance, i choose victory.

I will be capable of loving,regardless of whether i am loved in return,
of giving, even when i have nothing,
of working happily, even in the midst of difficulties,
of holding out my hand, even when utterly alone and abandoned,
of drying my tears, even when i weep,
of believing, even when no one believes in me.
"

for those who feel demotivated sometimes and need kind words constantly.
For me, when i need reminding of.

mediocrity

2011-10-02T18:36:00.003+08:00

The first weekend alone since coming back to Nottingham, Semenyih.
For three days, I stayed cooped up in my room. I am officially bored, restless, and fidgety.

I may not be a particularly active person, but having no activities at all might be taking its toll on me. I am going crazy!
Sitting in front of a laptop/computer all day is really not the thing for me. I need to move about. Walk around. See things. Work my hands and feet.

Maybe engineering might not be the thing for me. =(
I hate admitting this but, I think no matter what course I take I will say the same thing.

Lately I have started to dislike the word "course". So everything is just a course here. How stupid. And my parents are paying RM34K a year for a stupid "course".
Its just a "course". To me a "course" means learning or acquiring a skill, a technique.
Here i am learning a skill for RM34k with a bunch of people of my age. A fact which is now becoming particularly annoying to me.

who am i to want more.
who am i to be allowed to do what i want
who am i to be able to try what i thought right and to fail

who in this world and day are allowed the luxury of failing and climbing back up?
No, I am not allowed to fail.
I am not allowed to take paths that have the slightest possibility of failing.
No time to fail. No money to fail.
No, there is a freaking dead set path which i have to follow for the rest of my miserable life. Miserable because although i feel down i am not allowed to complain because "there are people out there less fortunate". Not allowed to self-doubt.

just a passing thought

2011-09-22T23:19:00.004+08:00

Having too many choices will spoil a person. too much of a good thing you know?
Its good that nowadays we get to make our own choices on things. For example, the brand of shampoo, scent of shampoo, types of shampoo, price of shampoo just to name a few.
But it makes us a bit ungrateful and unappreciative of the things we have.
Everything we have right now we take for granted because we have never been without.

Would a person who nearly died of thirst ever take water for granted?

The thing is, having all the choices laid out in front of me made me very unhappy with the current choice i made, and future ones i will make.
I am unhappy that i chose what i'm doing now. I am unhappy that i chose to make my parents happy(which, come to think of it, might not be the case) while making myself unhappy. I am unhappy that i chose text book over nature, I am unhappy i chose money over adventure.
But who am I to be unhappy with this? There is a world out there where people do not even stand a chance for having a text book, let alone a choice to chose away with it.

We should look at what people lack and be grateful for things we have.

So what happens when there are no more less fortunate people? when one day, there ar no longer famine, war, drought etc etc.
Who then do we look for to feel grateful of what we have?

Will mankind finally be satisfied with what we have? Or is men always greedy?
Greed may be considered a sin, but it is with the desire to want something more, to want something better that keeps men going and improving, no?

...or so i thought

2011-09-07T22:24:00.002+08:00

I have been wrong on many occasions. but never have I been more wrong about myself.

I always thought of myself as a nice and friendly person, but I am proven wrong. I realised I do not feel comfortable or have the need to approach new people and talk to them. Also, I also feel extremely shy around people, and as time goes by I no longer know what to say to strangers or people I am not so close with. And of course, I am beginning to not speak to people i used to be close with.

Besides that, I also thought myself to be a kind hearted person who would do anything to help those in need. Once again I am wrong. Once I saw a cat hurt on the road while i was driving. I've always thought when in such situations I would stop and help the cat to a vet or something. But I did not. I did what everybody did. I turned the other cheek and carried on driving.
And that is just one of such occasions that I feel least ashamed of pouring out.

I have always loved the idea of being in love, and the idea of love itself. I love love stories. I always thought i would be the person who would know what love is at first sight and that i would throw everything away for love. But right now i have no idea what love is or whether i have encountered it or not. I am starting to get the feeling I might marry just for convenience's sake and just to have a companion. That used to be a horrible thought and to think now I am going to have to be sucked in to this and not know what to do about it.

I also thought I would stay young and optimistic and enthusiastic forever, but look at this, a few years later I'm turning into a monotonous, boring and bored of life, bleak, pessimistic, unenthusiastic, weary of life and the people in mine. I seemed to have lost my spirit after going to this University called Nottingham and going to this company called Fairchild. I feel like for the first time in my life I have seen what people are really like, and how people can be like. And what I can be like. horrifying.

Note, i never thought of myself as a narcissistic person or self-absorbed, but I'm starting to feel that I am. Just look at how I'm going on about myself and that's the proof.

just in case...

2011-08-14T20:15:00.001+08:00

just in case anyone's interested.... i'd really love an amazon kindle, regardless the type.

change

2011-08-04T20:25:00.002+08:00

barrack obama's famous quote, other than the "Yes we can", is "change we can believe in".

Change doesn't always mean good things. Change can be for the better, but like everything else in the world, it goes both ways. Isn't it weird that everything in this world we live in always have good and bad sides? and i mean always. But i'll discuss that in another post.

Here's what i thought of while driving to work today( yeah it gets boring if you use the same route five days a week for 7weeks already), and i always thought about the environment since i like driving with my window winded down so i can enjoy the morning's cool breeze and fresh air. which i might add that always become horrible after i exit sungai ara, all the cars and busses and lorries you know. also, i realize how stupid (and selfish) penangites are, me included. almost every car i see has only one occupant, the freakin' driver. And they almost always come from the same source(housing areas) to the same end point the FIZs. SO WHY NOT CARPOOL?!?!? i been asking myself this same question over and over again, and the only lame excuse i been able to come up with is.. 'cuz i wanna leave a little later and come home a little earlier. but the silly thing is there are a lot of people working in the same company as me, and live around the area i live in, arrive and leave around the same time like me. SO WHY NOT????? the answer is, i don't know :( pathetic stupid hypocrite i am.

anyway i'm getting out of topic. the environment,yes. I was thinking, there's always these messages that urge people not to resist change, the only thing that will never change is change, and all the bull's crap. But at the same time, everyone is resisting the change our earth, our environment is experiencing. If change is unavoidable and necessary, why not just let it be and embrace it?

the global temperature is rising, the icebergs are melting, the ozone layer is thinning, animals becoming extinct, deforestation(ok that can be stopped but assholes just won't leave forests alone, can they?).

and yet, we just can't help it can we? we HAVE to stop the environment from changing. we change our ways to stop the environment from changing. eh?

age

2011-06-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

the earth is around 4.54 billion years old.
the borneo rainforest is 130 million year old.
the amazon rainforest is ten million years old.
humans have only been around the earth for 200 000 years.

谢谢你的包容

2011-05-20T11:23:00.002+08:00

很熟悉吧这句话

你对她说过，现在是我对你说了。很笨！

可是我是真心要跟你讲的。。我知道我是很烦，很难相处的人，我也很惊奇你竟然能忍这么久。我知道人的容忍度是有极限的，我也有试图不要这么烦人，可是没办法我就是这样，就因为这样所以我很怕你总有一天会发现我是一个没有用的人，不想在我身上浪费时间了。

没想到这一天，已经近在眼前，我知道的，我不笨。我也不怨你，你给我的已经超出我要的，谢谢你。

2011-04-25T20:37:00.002+08:00

to those city people who are always so complicated.. I cannot understand you, and i am not interested in knowing the dark abyss of your mind.
i cannot believe there is such people, let alone so many!
Being with such people is so tiring..
they only talk to you and pretend to be friendly when they need you, and other times, they won't even look you in the eye. And worse, when you actually need help, lo and behold, they will go at any lengths to ignore you. Sometimes even treat you as invisible when you talk to them.

Its irritating, and i feel irritated at myself for not spotting them earlier. But how was i supposed to know? from where I came from, there is no such people.. and here, they're everywhere.

Malaysia

2011-03-13T22:23:00.002+08:00

To all fellow Malaysians out there,

Stop looking for haven elsewhere in the world.
We have our own unique haven right here in Malaysia.
Beautiful beaches? We have Redang, Perhentian, Langkawi, Pangkor, etc

And you know what's the most special of all?
In the humble states of Sabah and Sarawak, though not particularly advanced, lies the Heart of Borneo, alongside with Indonesia and Brunei.
A place where, as claimed by WWF as the "only place in Southeast Asia where tropical rainforest can still be conserved on a grand scale."
A place, tagged as 'one of the most biologically diverse place on earth".

Right here.

the economy

2011-03-01T21:33:00.002+08:00

Being a very ignorant girl, I did not know much about the global or local economy.
It never really was a problem, until i decided that i would like to, perhaps, get a little bit involved in share market. Since my dad do not generally have much luck in these games, I figured maybe i could try my luck seeing that I have luck.

Anyhow, it's really very confusing after i start reading these articles and news about experts' views and opinions and predictions.

One of the things that i observed through reading articles is, there are generally 3 groups of people. The people who are very optimistic about the economy, let's call them "optimus". every article from them starts with " the worst is behind us.."
the second group of people, are very pessimistic about the economy, let's call them "moaning myrtle". All they care about is the economy sinking to lower depths everyday, or predict that there will be an "all time low" this season.
The third group is undecided. It can be good or bad depending on XXX's decision or whatever.

so who should i listen to?! I really prefer "optimus" if you ask me.

new revelations of the week

2011-03-01T21:03:00.002+08:00

I do not know about people elsewhere, but people here, they have a habit to call on those who have better results or are more studious, to have a low EQ. Well, at first its a mystery to me. I mean, how do you judge a person's EQ?? And then i realize its so easy to put a label on it precisely because there is no certain way to label it! Think about it, if no one is sure, isn't it easier for you to pass a judgement?
So why is it that people with self-proclaimed high EQ often refer to people different from them as low EQ?

Haven't you heard the song "colors of the wind" by Pocahontas? ...you think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you. But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew you never knew..."

So please, do not be so quick to pass judgement. Think about things and people in another perspective and you will find that there's just so much you didn't know.
And about being studious, i really do not see what's wrong with wanting good results. If you already chose to go to a University, then its really your responsibility to make use of all the resources and time available to complete your degree with good grades and fill your head with knowledge. Do not do it half-heartedly.
I know there's a lot of this propaganda on "young people should not go to University" or "you don't need a University degree to succeed."
Well just so you know, that's for people who haven't decide to go to University.

If you already decided that, yes you want to come to University to learn something, then FOR GOD'S SAKE DO IT PROPERLY!!!
Please, do not come to University and complain that there is more to life than just studying. If you really feel that there's more to life than just studying then it's really a better idea to do whatever you think feels right to you.

There really are a lot of ways to succeed. Don't pick the wrong path, and then diss the people who did pick the right path and go for it whole heartedly.

Money

2011-02-27T21:13:00.001+08:00

What's your take on money. How important is money to you? and at what lengths would you go to get More Money?
What would you give to gain more money? your health? your family? your friends? your Love? everything?

getting good grades

2011-02-27T21:06:00.002+08:00

Getting good grades does not mean you're guaranteed to have a job. But that doesn't mean you don't have to have good grades. With so many people applying for the same job, the first thing to impress your future employers is your Resume and your CV, not your shinning personality, that he/she will see later when they decide to call you up for a follow up interview.

Sure, Bill Gates do not need to go school, but hey, he studies! and works hard! i'm sure if he was to take an exam on software Programming he would get good grades too.
So, there you go.

homesick

2011-02-26T21:06:00.003+08:00

I have always wondered why is it called "homesick". Does missing home makes you sick??

well, today i seem to have a whole new understanding on this term.
I was down with the flu this morning, but before that I was totally s.i.c.k. Cough and fever and body aches combo. and the worry that it might be dengue fever.
Anyway, i did not have much of an appetite but i know i have to eat something for dinner considering that i already skipped too much meals this past week.

And so there i was, wondering what to eat, wishing that i could have my mum or dad or grandma to cook me some porridge, a hot soup and some steamed vege(i shall not complain about my grandma's steamed vege anymore). And i started feeling extremely Lonely.
And i thought to myself, I will rather do all the housework my mum ask me to do, than be here all alone and no one cared. =(

so there you go, home sick. Its called homesick because the time you miss home the most is when you're sick. =( some daughter i am huh.

oh you stupid valentine

2011-02-15T15:16:00.001+08:00

i hate valentines day!!!!!!

stupidity

2011-02-05T12:02:00.004+08:00

Dear God,

I know I don't pray to you often enough. And whenever i pray i always have something to ask of you. Please forgive me.

God, please give me the wisdom to see who are the ones bringing unhappiness and sorrow to my life, and give me courage to leave them. I am tired of the tricks and vile lies of people. Of the materialism in the world of which i'm living in and can't seem to escape. For I'm part of this society and they forbid me to be different or i will be crushed.
There are some who claim to be different, who claim to be sincere and accepting. But, i have been disappointed again and again.

To those who refused to accept anyone or anything different from them. Those who insisted on everyone following their trends their taste their principles! To hell with you!
To those who refused to face the truth or tell the truth! Away with you!
To those who wear a mask to hide your black heart! your mask shall be torn down!

And to you who wish to destroy me, rest assure i will not.

2010-12-30T17:07:00.002+08:00

why do you consider yourself to be Catholic if you don't agree with this pope and many priests and bishops? Because,well, my religion is more important than the men that are trying to guide it.

-Paolo Coelho

don't judge my age with my music taste!

2010-11-18T17:08:00.002+08:00

just because i prefer old songs from the recent ones(which are tasteless and annoying and oh-so-typical), doesn't mean i'm old or the same age as the songs

once upon a time, when those songs were popular, young people listen to them, its just that people inevitably grow old as you will too.

so the songs you listen now will also become old songs in 20years so you're a future old, which is old, too.

so anyhow, don't label me cuz i'm sentimental and dislike loud booming music.
i'd rather be old-fashion than be tasteless or common, thank you very much.

peace ^^V

biscuits~

2010-11-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

suddenly, my new favorite is 'Hup Seng' cream crackers.

best when soaked in milo/vico until semi-crispy~ yum yum!

a wish..

2010-10-28T20:20:00.000+08:00

i would like to go to Bird Park or the zoo ..

random goal!

2010-09-14T22:08:00.001+08:00

-to go to Naples and eat 'the best pizza in the world'!! ~pizzeria de Michele~

moulin rouge

2010-08-10T17:41:00.000+08:00

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return.

2010-05-25T11:33:00.002+08:00

note to self:

-help yourself
-love yourself
-make yourself happy
-BE happy
-take care of yourself
-be your own company
-be your own friend

cuz if you don't then you're all alone already ying yun!!

Loneliness

2010-05-15T20:18:00.002+08:00

-get used to it

-feel it

-embrace it

-live it in

anyway, i'll always have myself. therefore, not lonely.

=(

2010-04-28T19:43:00.002+08:00

how do you know when to hold on and when to let go?

to hold on what do you do when the other person doesn't care anymore?

to let go how do you know you wont regret?

what's become of us i don't know.

all i know is i miss those happy days that seem so long ago.

the days where we fight about silly stuff and make up within a day.

the days where we would do stupid stuff and laugh about it.

the days when all we think about is each other and the non stop texting.

where did they go?

who is to blame when these things happen? me? u?

and what do we do next?

=(

2010-04-11T03:31:00.002+08:00

to my dear friend freddy,

although i can't even begin to understand the pain you're going through, my heart goes out to you.
although i cant reach you to talk to you, or lend you a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to hear your sorrows, i do hope the people who are close to you will be there to do all those for you.
never hesitate to ask, i'm always here for you. always have, always will.

take care ok?

i dont understand =(

2010-03-31T00:30:00.001+08:00

why why whyyyyyyyy!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

guys vs girls

2010-03-25T21:34:00.001+08:00

why is it ok for girls to have good GIRL friends and its not really ok for a girl to be good friends with a guy??
i mean, when people see a guy and a girl together people usually automatically jump to conclusions.
so annoying.

2010-02-23T15:46:00.001+08:00

i just want to disappear!!!

to a place no one knows me

to a place where it doesn't matter when no one cares or understand

where all i have is who i am and it doesn't matter

i have a dream~

2010-02-08T20:32:00.002+08:00

i wish there is some place that have a fruit and vegetable buffet.

it will have a lot of fruits and vegetables to choose from and prepared fresh! all you have to do is pick the fruits u want, and a person will peel the fruit for you in case there are fruits like apples that oxidise quickly.

there will be chocolate dipped strawberries, blueberries raspberries mango orange pineapple kiwi dragonfruit pear grapes mangosteen langsat longan honeydew watermelon guava and lots lots more~ of cuz you can choose to make a salad out of it. with different types of dressings..
and whats fruit without vegetables? all kinds of vegetables~ brocolli cabbage carrot celery spinach yam potato ginger chilis you name it!

and there will be mushroom soup, potato soup tomato soup corn soup apple soup etc etc..

and of cuz juice of any combination you want.. all you have to do is pick the fruits and vegetables you want and ask the person in charge to blend it for you. oh! and lets not forget icecream!!

*sigh with contentment* just thinking about it makes me satisfied. i wish there is one!!

plans for summer holidays!

2010-02-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

ok i know its abit early but i'm already planning for my summer holidays during june! hehehe

for now i have just 2 options. and i'm very excited about the second option!

first option is of course, staying at home for 3months, studying, catching up on first years stuff and also preparing for second year stuff. if i were to do something other than studying then its to find a part time job nearby.

however i came up with a second option which i'm not very sure if my parents will allow me too. but i would really love to go if i have the chance!!
i want to do some volunteering vacation, for organizations like Wild Asia. i'm looking for more of such organization to see if which one i like most. but yea that's the general idea. what do you think?
of course i understand i might have to stay in jungles and do dirty stuff but i think i will love it! and it does sound fun and have a good cause. except it just won't help me academically which to my parents is a big no-no. but i will have plenty of time to do my studying when the school reopens right? i mean that's the whole point of being in school after all.

*sigh*

forever and ever

2010-01-28T23:12:00.002+08:00

nothing last forever..
except for memories...
don't forget..
but don't forget to make new ones..
when people are gone and things are lost..
memories become your greatest treasure

:(

2010-01-14T00:20:00.001+08:00

"after awhile you learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love, you begin to learn that kisses dont always mean something, promises can be broken as quickly as they were made, and sometimes goodbyes really are forever "

2010-01-08T00:27:00.001+08:00

-useless
-waste of space
-stupid
-pessimist
-a downer
-a bummer
-a waste

that's what i am

randooom

2009-11-25T23:08:00.002+08:00

so my lecturer was like "this is so simple! you're supposed to learn this in Alevel or foundation. what have you been doing last year?!"

and he was like"anyone who can answer this will get bonus 2 mark in the finals!"
and i know he's thinking"heh heh heh!"

Liar

2009-11-19T01:44:00.001+08:00

i'm a liar
i lied..
i lied that i'm fine when i'm not
i lied that i happy but i'm not
i lied that everything's fine when it's not
i lied..

random thoughts

2009-11-17T12:50:00.003+08:00

hiding behind a mask for too long

acting too convincingly

so much so..that even i confuse myself

who am i really? i don't know..

what is happiness? its a feeling. I used to live it. And now, i can barely remember what's it really like.. after all, its been almost a year *emo*

2009-11-17T12:47:00.002+08:00

have you ever wondered why only sad people get support and love and care?

what about happy people? No one ever asked "how are you feeling really?" or "how have you been?"

No one will ever look at a smiling cheerful person and think " i wonder if he/she is really happy?"

how strange..

2009-11-07T09:40:00.002+08:00

Its not about being the best or better than people

its about picking yourself up everytime you fall

its about appreciating what you've got

more lessons learned

2009-11-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

its been a month and half since i been here.
here, i learned more than i have learned in the past 9months.

i have to learn to think differently. i have to change the way i think. the way i think, is very straight forward. to me, everything is either 1 or 0. there's no in between.
now i'm trying to accept that, just because a person isnt nice doesnt make him/her a bad person..
just because a person is wrong doesn't mean he/she isnt right..
not everything is right or wrong, true or false, yes or no...

i also experience what deadpan means. i'm not gonna elaborate on that. its a long story so.....

anyways, what i'm really feeling now is scared.
all my life, i'm around fun-loving people.. now i'm surrounded by serious people, whom i can't really understand.i don't understand because i've never been around people like that. i have never experienced being with people like that. it's a huge change for me.

all i hope is, i dont lose myself in the process of accepting these new group of people.
i hope i will still be the girl i am now. i hope i will still be able to laugh at everything including myself. i hope i can still be energetic and silly and weird and sometimes abit scary and doesnt make sense to anyone at all. because that's what makes me, me. if i'm not those, then i cant be yingyun anymore.

this one's for the girls - Martina Mcbride

2009-11-01T22:43:00.001+08:00

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holdin' back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This One's for the girls

at every ending...

2009-10-11T20:57:00.001+08:00

there's always a new beginning...

~the end~

2009-10-07T16:20:00.001+08:00

31 march 2009 - 7 october 2009

to: ying yun

2009-10-06T15:30:00.002+08:00

dear ying yun,

how can you be so stupid? honestly, are you blind?
how can you not see the truth? do you need someone to actually write it down for you for you to realize that it's time?
it's already way past the expiry date, do you want to wait till the moss starts to grow and for it to rot so you can wake from your stupid slumber?

confused or blind?

2009-10-05T23:18:00.003+08:00

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

i'm confused
i don't know what i should do next
i don't know what is the right thing to do
i don't know which way i should go
i don't know what my heart is saying
i don't know what i want
i don't know whats best for me

but suddenly i realized..

i think i do know
but why am i not getting answers?
why am i as confused as ever?
why am i still feel like i'm stuck, not moving forward?

what if, the answers are just right there before me
what if, i just refused to see?
what if, i just refused to listen what is so obvious?

because the truth is so painful,
because it is easier to live a lie,
because it is easier to just pretend and go on like nothing's happened,
because i don't think i can handle the truth
because i don't think i have it in me to the right thing, to do what's best for me,
because i don't want to be lonely,
because i'm afraid i will regret,
because....

its much better and easier to pretend..
to pretend everything's still alright when its not
to pretend he still feels the same way when he doesn't anymore
to pretend we're right for each other
to pretend everything's gonna be alright in the end when its not
to pretend things are still the same
to pretend that it will go away if i shut my eyes and ears tightly enough
to pretend he still cares...

i can no longer tell right from wrong
i'm no longer strong
i'm vulnerable and it's all my own doing

i'm lost......

i believe~

2009-09-30T23:38:00.003+08:00

i believe in second chances

i believe in miracles

i believe in God

i believe tomorrow will be a better day.. or even if itss not, someday it will be

i believe in happy endings

i believe in silver linings

i believe in you and me

"faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

and i'm holding on to that faith

whalesssss

2009-09-15T01:22:00.002+08:00

so sad
so disappointed
so angry
so frustrated

"The minke's back arches as gracefully as a dolphin's, but it is not about to make a free dive. Instead it is the last struggle of a whale on the end of a Japanese harpoon line...."
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2008/02/07/1202234066496.html

hmm.....and i thought.....

i love you

2009-09-02T01:59:00.002+08:00

i love you..

please show me you're worth it..

please show me every tear i shed for you is worth it..

and show me that I'm worth it too

2009-08-28T14:22:00.002+08:00

which one is more valuable?

a snake or a human?

what if its a precious snake? like an anaconda?
Would you save a human life by killing the snake?
obviously the answer from most people would be saving the human.
But, what about the snake? Is it not a life as well? Is it less valuable? Just because it can't talk or have fancy weapons to defend itself? is it not one of God's creation as well. and there are people who claim they are protecting wildlife and whatever endangered species. But when faced with such a choice..which would it be?

ugh..moths!

2009-08-11T13:26:00.002+08:00

i do not like moths.

although they are not very nice looking compared to butterflies....

I really have nothing against their appearance.

If they did not bug me so much i won't mind their annoyingness.
And even though I understand its what they do as bugs, its their nature to bug people. And i understand that they are very har workers, but i do hope they will just sometimes get lazy and sleep around all day and not flying around annoying innocent people minding their own business!

And as if that's not annoyi8ng enough, they always find a need to panic whenever they think ttthey aere under attack. I mean, puh-lease..who or what animal in the right mind would want to eat them. yuck! I don't know about you guys out there but i really just want them to get out and leave me in peace.

but noooo.. they just have to get all panicky and start trashing aorund like its gonna help in any way. yeesh! why can't they just calmly fly away like normal things do?

so yeah that's the reason i dislike moths. blah!

decision

2009-07-26T15:55:00.002+08:00

I have made a decision.

There are alot of things I'm confused and scared about, all the time, everyday.

I'm scared about making the wrong choices.
I'm scared that if I take Physio I will regret not taking Physics.
I'm scared that if I take Engineering I won't be able to cope.

But I realized that there are alot of ways to get to happily ever after.
I always thought there's just only one way.

seeing the future

2009-07-10T09:33:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i wish i can see the future..
i'm not going into the seeing disaster and saving millions of life part..its too complicated

but i wish i could have saw simple things like whether the class is going to be canceled or not, or whether this school or college is good or bad..u know stuff like that

that way i don't have to rely on people telling(or not telling) me whether the class is canceled or not. that way i won't have to waste an hour waiting for the lecturer that won't show
that way i don't have to wake up early with a headache that's screaming for me to go back to sleep
that way i would have been able to book a ticket a day before since the lecturer won't be showing for the class
that way i won't have to be sitting here typing up this blog venting my feelings while i could have been fresh and studying as i would have slept until at least 9am

i mean, its not like i need the lecturers so much to be there for class
just don't schedule a class when you know you're gonna cancel it anyway

and i hope..that the tuition fees are not based on the number of classes planned
that way our tuition fees could at least be reduced to at least 3/4 of the amount

its that bad..

and what people say about time...they're right..
you can't buy(or pay) that

i just wanna say....after such a long post... that i'm very disappointed....and that....i hope there's a better place for me

ps, u dont have the right to screw me around like that

just so you know

2009-06-30T17:32:00.002+08:00

i don't like it when people say "whatever" or "fine"
cuz its like you don't give a damn

sometimes i want to be wrong

sometimes all i want is for you to prove me wrong..

proudness =)

2009-06-26T22:21:00.002+08:00

I'm so proud of my bro~

He's finally growing up! hahaha

today i didn't make my bed due to some laziness. and since my maid has gone back my mom specifically asked me to make the beds today. but me being the procastinator...did not :( which i'm not so proud.

but my proudness for my bro is enough to compensate this unproudness. hahaha
although he sis scolded me abit after making the beds. I'm still proud. ahahaha

contradicting myself...again

2009-06-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

ok so i was thinking, people always tell you to never give up.

Like there's this very nice quote from someone " those who failed are those who did not know how close they were to suceeding when they gave up".

However, people also say that you should not be closed-minded and too persistent, cuz sometimes when you're so focused on something far away that you lose sight to what's right there in front of you.

Don't you think these two contradict each other?

Like maybe you suddenly think that : "oh i should try other stuff now that i think this one is not working." and someday you will look back thinking that, "oh what if I just persisted a bit longer, or tried just one more time maybe I would have suceeded."

of course, there are simple situations when these two are obviously different. Like a person who is good in and love math and physics won't take up biology as their main subject. I mean, can you imagine what its like if Einstein choose to be a doctor?

or when there isn't any other choice if you give up. Like when you're going for your driving's test. If you give up then you can't drive. plain as that. There is no if i give up driving maybe i can learn flying in a plane or something right?

those are simple. but since when everything in life are as stark as that?

most decisions in life are always a thin line between these two.

" God gave me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to tell the difference." Quoted from xxx( forgot her name)

well,obvioulsy i did not have the wisdom. lol

haha I'm confusing myself here. Maybe i should not study so much. Its making my brain go crazy. Normallywhen I don't study so much i think of normal stuff like what to eat for dinner, when to send down the laundry, when should i go back to penang.... you know, normal stuff.

so this is just my pre-exam stress. I'm absolutely normal. at least more normal than now.

my poor phone!

2009-06-23T12:35:00.005+08:00

my poor phone is destroyed by a girl called afifah!

behold the butterfinger monster!

so sad!

although its not exactly my phone, its my mum's old phone cuz mine already rosak for a few months.

but that's not the point!

Nokia phones aren't supposed to break! they're suppose to function until the end of time

well actually its just the screen got cracked

i can stil call and sms( provided that i can type without looking)

haha but still...its kinda bad cuz i can't remember how many "down" and "ok" button i should press to set my phone into vibrating mode.

oh well, at least i'm going back today. or else afifah the butterfingers will have to buy me a new phone~ mwahahhaaha!

and she keep insisted there is some good that came out of it---> she made "someone" phone me. lols as if he would if i didnt ask him to. haha!!

yea and note to self: one day i should take a picture of her fingers. they are so freaky! got the buttoniere and clwaing.. clinical features of rheumatoid arthritis. so maybe i shud forgive her cuz i studied moral and i'm supposed to menghormati OKU ahahaha. oops kidding!

so not food crazy

2009-06-09T18:14:00.002+08:00

yes i admit, i love to eat~
so that makes me a freaky piggy girl

However, today, although i will get to eat something nice, i found out i had to take a bus to go there!!
so i didnt go. although i so want to eat nice food there.

apparently,
my food-ish piggishness lost to my lazy-to-move piggishness.

so pathetic right... i think so too :(

so emoooooo -_-

2009-06-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

heh sorry about the emo post before.....

Just because

2009-06-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

Just because I look so cheerful and carefree doesnt mean I'm not crumbling down inside

Just because I said I dont mind doesnt mean its ok

Just because I dont cry doesnt mean it doesnt hurt

Just because you can't see it from the outside doesn't mean there is no wound that will never heal

Just because I laugh doesn't mean i'm happy..its just a mask

Its not easy. I have been hiding and pretending for so long

I'm so tired..

I want this to end... cuz i can't take it anymore

MAHSA life~

2009-05-27T21:44:00.003+08:00

I just realized........

I haven't posted anything about MAHSA since i came here......

so today, since i'm quite freeeeeee i will post them..

why why tell me why

2009-05-27T21:30:00.003+08:00

I trusted you....... and you made me cry :'(

i feel so betrayed and hurt and cheated and phobic

I just asked for 1 simple thing.....

and you had to add............

CILI PADI!!

and now... my lips look like the joker's lips.. i'm not exagerating!

and my tummy feels like..........

why did you do this to me???

how how?

2009-05-26T23:26:00.002+08:00

"try your best"

this is what people tells you when you're feeling discouraged or not confident

so what if....

the best you can give is not good enough?

bahhhhh!

2009-05-25T17:46:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling soooooooo

tired...........

depressed...............

stressed................

exams!! assignments!! ahh~!!!

and my lecturer said : " don't be stressed about exams. we have exam only because there is no other way to test your understanding of the subject."

Lol.. what a nice way to put it ya?

xxxxx

2009-05-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

what do u do when someone you love scares the hell out of u..

first hands on experiece~

2009-05-07T20:35:00.002+08:00

after four days having clinical placement in Lam wah ee hspital, i finally decide to blog about my experience

well, the first day was very boring as we(me n adrian) are still new and the physio there dare not let us do anything and all the patients are still not familliar with us. so i didnt do much except wander around and follow miss anne(the HOD of physiotherapy) around like her shadow and see how she treats and assess the patients. hehe

then the second day we're more familliar with the staff and soe of the in-patients we saw yesterday started to recognize us so they are more willing to talk us and trust us more~ hehe and we get to learn stuff we haven't learn in school. or different from school. hmm~

and right now is more like the patients who're teaching ( at least in my case cuz i still don't know anything) you'd be surprised how much the patients know.

but what i enjoy the most are those touching scenes i get to witness. like there's one i accidentally saw cuz i happened to be sitting there being bored. There's this lady who's a stroke patient and when she first got it she cant talk or walk. But now there is a big big improvement in her walking and she can talk abit abit. so when her sister came all the way from a far far away place, her sister tried to get her to say her name. and she did. her sister was so happy and dancing around and keep asking her to repeat. Its been so long she get to hear her sister say her name. and sudenly the lady said to her siser: wo ai ni ( i love you). gosh, i tell you i nearly cried. its so so touching. and i can really feel the shocked and happiness of the sister. its amazing..

ok there's still many many more but i'm abit lazy to type it here cuz this keyboard is tiring for me to type. haha. anyways, when they said this is a clinical placement, i expected to learn facts and methods of treatment and blah blah blah those we learn in school but applied on patients. i thought we will be taught by the physiotherapists there mostly. but what i didn't expect is i learned from the patients. I get to hear stuff from their points of view, how they feel about reatments..and of cuz the stories. they are older so they tend to have lots of nice stories and experience to share right?

so did i learn alot in this four days? yes. all about physiotherapy? not all. important? yes.
and its very unlikely that i ever forget since its my very first experience.

what went wrong?

2009-04-29T01:20:00.000+08:00

it happens to all of us before..

u get a present, all nicely wrapped.. and u were so excited about opening the present.. so slowly u tear the tape, one by one......

and then when u see what's inside those beautiful wrappings, its not what u expected, its not what u want.. do u remember the disappointment? how ur face drops and ur smile disappears?

well, if things and objects have feelings..
just imagine how it would feel when it saw ur reaction..
how much it hurts when it realizes that its not what u actually want..

i never thought about it that way..
but right now, i know exactly how it would have felt..
and the hurt was worse than i ever imagined..

appreciation, people!

2009-04-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

i just realized how lucky it is to be normal.

Apparently there are a lot of ways that can go wrong to a human body. not to mention accidents after you're born.

which is why we should be very grateful with what you already have. don't be too lazy to move or walk or stand. Be grateful how you can get up every morning without any pain or difficulties. or you can breath without tubes. eat and drink with ease...etc etc.

everyday things, small routined stuff we took for granted everyday, when there are less fortunate people who prayed and hoped everyday for that normality.

so promise me one thing, don't ever complain about anything anymore. when you should be saying "thank you" every second of your life.

Why does it always take pain or disasters to make us open our eyes to the miracles that have always been right before us but missed? why can't we just see all the small or big miracles that are happening around us almost every moment?

lalala~

2009-04-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

me going back this thursday~ whee~ so happy! haha but for the wrong reason! why oh why do i have clinical placements instead of holidays??? why why tell me why~

oh well.. the main point is : i get to go back to penang! hahaha. then i dont have to eat the same food, at night only talk to the book and laptop and phone.. mwahaha

and my nice dad is coming to fetch me~ thanks so much~ hope come back KL also he can fetch me la :P so evil and greedy.

anyways, i have to do an assignment(essay again) about biopsychosocial model when i get back. ish ish. i don't know who is the genius who came up with this thing. way to go man. how can they use a model to represent all human beings? its just so.......generalized! and of course, giving us health care students trouble only. cis!

so u can say i'm not really looking forward to this placement. the actual thing is scary enough. i don't want to make mistakes or do something stupid and get blacklisted by all the hospitals! hmph. then i really have to go back to Engineering.But i don't want.. i enjoy studying physiotherapy, except the essay writing part.
and before going for the placement i have to get 6types of vaccination! means injectionS! ohno! i don't want to get 6shots at once, one is bad enough..

so anyways, i should stop complaining. who am i to complain so much? *beat myself lightly*

*looks around*

*crickets*

bah! i should go think of what to bring back to penang. *reminds myself to remember the onion hanging on the wall for 2weeks*

xxx

2009-04-26T10:59:00.000+08:00

"As we grow up,
we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down...
probably will.
You will have your heart broken
probably more than once
and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you have never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

got it from : http://www.scrapbook.com/quotes/doc/6987/71.html

wondering...

2009-04-26T01:08:00.000+08:00

"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them."

I don't understand this. if it takes an entire life to forget 1 person, does that mean there will only be 1 special person in your life? the others you meet after that doesn't count?

small collections~

2009-04-25T23:42:00.000+08:00

~Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen.

" Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for its living,
But a child thats born on the Sabbath day,
is bonny and blythe, and good and gay."
This is a nursery rhyme. haha i know i know, i'm already almost 19 but its cute wat..
I'm a monday's child~ how bout u?

first weekend in MAHSA

2009-04-25T23:16:00.001+08:00

oh-ho! i'm having my first weekend in Mahsa. Its abit weird cuz usually when i come back from Setapak to here, its sunday night or earliest is sunday evening. So i always have to prepare for classes tomorrow like reading up for the class on mondays, filling up the water bottle,cutting my nails(yes i have to cut them and they're even stricter than in pcghs.), putting out my uniform, adjusting my alarm clock........

but today, i keep having to remind myself that i dont have to lay out my uniform and all that stuff. But i did cut my nails and read up for my class and fill up the water bottle. And after doing that i have no idea what else i should do. so i slept awhile in the evening, watched a movie, write this blog..and try to imagine what i should do for tomorrow-which is nothing except studying :S
but usually when i'm in setapak i did nothing but sleeping and lazing around and disturb people. haha. so its the same. but at least there i will have company and my voicebox won't lose its function for lack of usage. hmmm~

and i'm starting to miss my Deary(haha ok i know its a very gross name, but i thought it sounds cute so...) already. how come i only get to see you for such a short time after such a long time. hmph. its not fair. And everytime we meet we will fight. and always about the same thing. i hate that i mind. i hate that i care. and i hate that i can't help it. i wish i could. i hope u dun mind.

oh well, there's this OSCE coming up next tuesday so i have to study. meaning i have something to do tomorrow. how sad is that? ish.

at least i have something to look forward to----going back to penang~~i mean i look forward to the non-clinical-placement part la. which is anytime excluding weekdays 8am-6pm! oh the torture~i will have to be stuck in the traffic jam again~ in my cutesy Myvi listening to Mamma Mia! soundtrack. haha~ so...Penang here i come~!!

whee hee~

2009-04-23T22:16:00.001+08:00

yay~this is my "dont-know-how-many"th attempt to create a bloggie. I have commitment phobia haha. But this time i am determined to keep this blog up and alive~cuz now that i am going to use the laptop more.. its easier for me to type rather than write in my diary. of cuz~no too private thoughts will be put here la but still.. most of my thoughts can be shared la~ hee see im so sharing :P

anyways, this is about my 2nd month here in MAHSA. and 3rd month in KL. I was in UTAR for my 1st month doing Mechatronics Engineering then i decided i want to be a physiotherapy so here i am~ in case anyone is wondering.. MAHSA stands for Malaysian Allied Health Science A(something i forgot d). and its in Petaling Jaya

So now, after doing a year of physics and Maths and Mechanics and Chemistry last year.......here i am studying human anatomy! absolutely nothing that i studied last year is applied here. I've been wondering why MAHSA accepted me using my Alevels since its not at all related and im starting from scratch. oh well, at least that part of my brain for anatomy knowledge is completely blank, i can absorb quite fast. like a dry sponge absorb more water than a wet sponge, you know? same theory i guess? haha. or maybe its just interesting.. i mean, its muscles and bones and nerves.. and i get to grab some guy's ass without getting sued for sexual assault. ha! i'm not a crazy "hamsap po" k, i'm just being PROFESSIONAL~ hahaha

well its nothing much here la. same room, same food, same classroom, same gym everyday.. same feelings. missing my family, missing my frens, missing my penang, missing my dear dimsum, missing everything of my old carefree life..

hmmmmm it really can be lonely here. Especially when i see a family sitting together having dinner, or when i see couples holding hands and talking,or a group of friends laughing and talking so loudly that everyone around them gets irritated but they don't care anyway. and i'm just there alone. And i wonder if they know how lucky they are, if they truly appreciate and savour every moment of that time..

haha ok this is just really long for a first post. i'm gonna stop here now and continue next time~ byeeeeeee!!