at every ending...

there's always a new beginning...

~the end~

31 march 2009 - 7 october 2009

to: ying yun

dear ying yun,

how can you be so stupid? honestly, are you blind?
how can you not see the truth? do you need someone to actually write it down for you for you to realize that it's time?
it's already way past the expiry date, do you want to wait till the moss starts to grow and for it to rot so you can wake from your stupid slumber?

confused or blind?

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

i'm confused
i don't know what i should do next
i don't know what is the right thing to do
i don't know which way i should go
i don't know what my heart is saying
i don't know what i want
i don't know whats best for me

but suddenly i realized..

i think i do know
but why am i not getting answers?
why am i as confused as ever?
why am i still feel like i'm stuck, not moving forward?

what if, the answers are just right there before me
what if, i just refused to see?
what if, i just refused to listen what is so obvious?

because the truth is so painful,
because it is easier to live a lie,
because it is easier to just pretend and go on like nothing's happened,
because i don't think i can handle the truth
because i don't think i have it in me to the right thing, to do what's best for me,
because i don't want to be lonely,
because i'm afraid i will regret,
because....


its much better and easier to pretend..
to pretend everything's still alright when its not
to pretend he still feels the same way when he doesn't anymore
to pretend we're right for each other
to pretend everything's gonna be alright in the end when its not
to pretend things are still the same
to pretend that it will go away if i shut my eyes and ears tightly enough
to pretend he still cares...


i can no longer tell right from wrong
i'm no longer strong
i'm vulnerable and it's all my own doing

i'm lost......