...or so i thought

I have been wrong on many occasions. but never have I been more wrong about myself.

I always thought of myself as a nice and friendly person, but I am proven wrong. I realised I do not feel comfortable or have the need to approach new people and talk to them. Also, I also feel extremely shy around people, and as time goes by I no longer know what to say to strangers or people I am not so close with. And of course, I am beginning to not speak to people i used to be close with.

Besides that, I also thought myself to be a kind hearted person who would do anything to help those in need. Once again I am wrong. Once I saw a cat hurt on the road while i was driving. I've always thought when in such situations I would stop and help the cat to a vet or something. But I did not. I did what everybody did. I turned the other cheek and carried on driving.
And that is just one of such occasions that I feel least ashamed of pouring out.

I have always loved the idea of being in love, and the idea of love itself. I love love stories. I always thought i would be the person who would know what love is at first sight and that i would throw everything away for love. But right now i have no idea what love is or whether i have encountered it or not. I am starting to get the feeling I might marry just for convenience's sake and just to have a companion. That used to be a horrible thought and to think now I am going to have to be sucked in to this and not know what to do about it.

I also thought I would stay young and optimistic and enthusiastic forever, but look at this, a few years later I'm turning into a monotonous, boring and bored of life, bleak, pessimistic, unenthusiastic, weary of life and the people in mine. I seemed to have lost my spirit after going to this University called Nottingham and going to this company called Fairchild. I feel like for the first time in my life I have seen what people are really like, and how people can be like. And what I can be like. horrifying.

Note, i never thought of myself as a narcissistic person or self-absorbed, but I'm starting to feel that I am. Just look at how I'm going on about myself and that's the proof.