mediocrity

The first weekend alone since coming back to Nottingham, Semenyih.
For three days, I stayed cooped up in my room. I am officially bored, restless, and fidgety.

I may not be a particularly active person, but having no activities at all might be taking its toll on me. I am going crazy!
Sitting in front of a laptop/computer all day is really not the thing for me. I need to move about. Walk around. See things. Work my hands and feet.

Maybe engineering might not be the thing for me. =(
I hate admitting this but, I think no matter what course I take I will say the same thing.

Lately I have started to dislike the word "course". So everything is just a course here. How stupid. And my parents are paying RM34K a year for a stupid "course".
Its just a "course". To me a "course" means learning or acquiring a skill, a technique.
Here i am learning a skill for RM34k with a bunch of people of my age. A fact which is now becoming particularly annoying to me.

who am i to want more.
who am i to be allowed to do what i want
who am i to be able to try what i thought right and to fail

who in this world and day are allowed the luxury of failing and climbing back up?
No, I am not allowed to fail.
I am not allowed to take paths that have the slightest possibility of failing.
No time to fail. No money to fail.
No, there is a freaking dead set path which i have to follow for the rest of my miserable life. Miserable because although i feel down i am not allowed to complain because "there are people out there less fortunate". Not allowed to self-doubt.